Last night Ted Cruz was invited to speak at the republican convention. And he did. He talked about freedom. He spoke about a dead cop’s little girl. Things were going well for about 5 minutes. And then he told the crowd to “vote their conscience”. This is after he congratulated Donald Trump for winning the nomination after several of Cruz’s coup attempts were thwarted.
Seeing Cruz again after having a much needed vacation from the pasty white Cuban dough boy was a bit unnerving. The pursed lips. The strained smile- the one where his face can’t complete the loop. The cheek-chin meld….The creepy meter was at 11 and climbing. If frumpy was a fragrance, Ted Cruz would wear too much of it. Even his suits make him look like an extra from a 1960’s police drama.
But what was more disturbing is that the former Harvard debate champion used his rhetorical prowess to lead us down a path and then when the field opens up to the promised land he leads us back into the wilderness. Ted Cruz is the anti-Moses. Cruz’s speech guaranteed that he’d be wandering in a political desert where there may be no escape.
It’s obvious that this was sabotage and treason all rolled into one ugly secretion with eyes. Military hardware couldn’t have inflicted this much damage at the RNC. Cruz’s stealth tactics were only one upped by Trump, who cleverly exposed Cruz as the secretion we all knew he was. Trump was actually trying to save Cruz by having him endorse. But Cruz chose to fall on his imaginary sword, sponsored by Glenn Beck and Mark Levin, who both had a hand in creating the delusional narrative that Donald Trump is somehow a bigger threat to the republic than Hillary Clinton.
At least now we have closure. Ted Cruz can go back to Texas where he has accomplished absolutely nothing as a United States senator. He can work on perfecting his impersonations of various characters from the Simpsons. He can reference pop culture to his heart’s content. He can knock back some fine whiskey and make some more machine gun bacon.
But in two years Ted Cruz will have a rugged, American born primary challenger who will erase the Cuban-Canadian from our political consciousness. The ugly secretion with eyes will be a political footnote and his name will only be used as an insult or as an adjective. Much like the name “Lewinsky” is now used to describe a certain act. Ted Cruz is the new Benedict Arnold. To Ted-Cruz someone, will be to lie to their face as you stab them repeatedly in the back while smiling.
There’s more good news too. This might be the last time I have to write about the ugly secretion with eyes.